The departure gate

Flying plane
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Walking through the departure gate with my then six month old daughter and my newly military husband, with my family standing, waving goodbye was the single most hardest thing I have ever had to do.

A little back story. I met my husband in 2011 after he walked into the pub I worked at in England. I noticed that he kept coming back to the pub I worked at and noticed it was mainly on the days I was working. After about a month, he asked me on a date. Honestly, I wasn’t really interested at the time and thought to myself (after having many failed relationships beforehand) that if he was genuinely interested in me and really wanted to date me then he will wait. We arranged to go out on a date but I cancelled. I honestly really didn’t know why I cancelled that date, I think I was scared of letting someone in and getting hurt again. Anyway, fast forward 6 months. Yes! 6 months. We finally we on a couple dates and the last date before he asked me to be his girlfriend resulted in him cooking a home made meal, which consisted of pasta ( now I know its about the only thing he knows how to cook and his favourite food). We spent the evening chatting about everything and anything. 3 am rolled around when he drove me home. We talked for a good 6ish hours that night and I left that night with a new boyfriend.

After only 7 months he asked me to marry him in January of 2012, I of course said yes. We got married in the September of that year and fell pregnant with out first daughter a couple months after our wedding. I had terrible morning sickness to which I had to quit my job at the time. After about 4 months of puking 100 times a day the morning sickness subsided and I was finally able to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy and go on to have a healthy baby girl. 3 months later we were pregnant with baby number 2. I know, crazy right!?

My husband is in the United States military so we were due to move to hawaii roughly 6 months after our daughter was born. Those 6 months went fast. I wasn’t ready to leave my family just yet. I had just given birth to my parents granddaughter, how could I take her away from them? How could I go to hawaii and live a life where my daughter and unborn baby won’t see their grandparents or extended family for god knows how long. I had a lot of mixed feelings. And then the day came. The day to leave, the day I would move away from everything I have known for the past 21 years. I’ve never lived anywhere else.

It was time. It was early in the morning, the taxi pulled up, we put all our suitcases in the boot and we headed off, my family in their car behind following us to the airport. I know, I’m lucky to have such a supportive family. My gut wrenching, holding in the tears, my heart telling me not to go and my mind telling me to just tell the taxi driver to stop. We arrive at the airport, get everything checked in, had breakfast and spent some time with my family. Even now 6 years later my heart races whenever I think about the next part.

My family taking it in turns saying goodbye to my daughter, holding her tight. I have never seen them cry the way they did that day. My god. My turn to say goodbye. I really could’ve just walked away with them but I made a commitment. I married my husband to share his life and his life involved moving around a lot. As we’re walking to security I’m telling myself to not look back. Looking back is the worst thing you can do. But I did. I wanted to run back, my heart has never ached the way it did that day. I cried, loud, I said “what are you doing, what are you doing, you can’t do this”. But I did.

I wiped away my tears, I walked onto that plane and although that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do I am so thankful that I had the strength to do it. My mum came to visit us every year in the summer no matter where we were in the world. My dad and his wife even came out to see us, and so did a couple of my friends. I am so thankful that they were able to come and experience a part of the life I was living. In a way I was proud to show them our world. I was proud to show them that part of my life. My children created a bond with our family through Skype that I never even imagined could be possible.

Being a military wife is hard, there’s sacrafises, compromises and a whole other life out there. I am fortunate that my children got to experience the things they did (even though they weren’t old enough to remember) I’m glad I was strong enough to give them a life I could only have dreamed of, if I hadn’t of committed. After hawaii we ended up in South dskota and then after South dakota we went to alaska for a year and now we’re back home in England. I will go into much more detail about our time in all of these places in my next blogs.

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